Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
