Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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