OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
