Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
