you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
