the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
