Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
