Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
