do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
