I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
