she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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