hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
