she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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