Moan for me like Helen Keller
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
