you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize