I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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