Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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