he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
