You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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