I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
