pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
