we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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