i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need water and some morals
Randomize
