I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
