She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
