Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
