I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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