yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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