ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
