Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
