please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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