Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
