You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
