Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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