i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
