sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
