singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
