If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
