what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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