Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
