I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
