..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i out mim tonsoeep
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
