Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
