Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
