I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
