I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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