Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
as a side note pls kill me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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