I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
