Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My ass is underappreciated
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
