That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
