My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
