My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
