You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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