Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
