I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
