I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
