My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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