she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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