Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
