"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
