I accidentally had phone sex last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
