I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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