Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's great music for shaving your balls
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
