i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize