if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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